What to say, or not to say, after the loss of a child

When we contacted family and friends after Jasper's death, lots of them said that they wanted to help us but didn't know how.  They were worried about saying or doing the wrong thing and many felt that the best thing was to stay away.  This is not what we wanted so we added this section to Jasper's website to help them.  

This page links to some helpful guidelines of what to say and do, and what not to day or do.   

If you are related to or a friend of someone who has lost a child, please read these items.  We hope they help you to help your friend or relative in their bereavement.  

  M.E.N.D. Newsletter,  Volume 4, Issue 4.  July/August 1999
Most Helpful/Least Helpful Things to Do or Say After the Death of a Child
This link takes you to a newsletter produced by MEND, a US based Christian not-for-profit corporation whose purpose is to reach out to those who have lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death and offer a way to share experiences and information through support groups, the bi-monthly newsletter, and our Internet web site.

  Baby Steps - Please read from the collection of Do's and Don'ts and learn what you can say and can do to support a grieving parent or child. These mourners need all the support they can get so for all their sakes, please read on.

  SANDS - Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society leaflet For Family & Friends - How You Can Help.

  The Elephant in the Room - a wonderful poem by Terry Kettering that aptly expresses what it's like for bereaved parents when nothing is said.  This link takes you to the Mending Broken Hearts website. 

Please sign Jasper's Guestbook, and share your own experience or let us have your feedback on this site.  Alternatively, if you wish you can send comments to: email